What Married People Won’t Tell Singles

It finally has arrived—the second part in a two-part series designed to delve into the “behind the scenes” thoughts that go on between two categories of people.

No matter your age, gender, or race…you will be in one of two categories- married or single.  It’s so easy to get so caught up in your own “category” of life that you overlook or forget what others are experiencing.  This series is to help us “walk a mile in each others’ shoes”.

Not everything applies to all singles or marrieds, but usually the things mentioned are a tendency for a lot of people in general.  Please do not be offended in any way; instead take what is said and use it to understand what other people are going through so you know how to reach into their lives!

Many Thanks to all who took the time to share such wonderful tid-bits of honesty and wisdom!  You will find names after some of the shared comments, and “A” stands for friends that wanted to share their nuggets of gold anonymously.

You can catch up on last week’s article, “What Singles Won’t Tell Married People”, at https://marjanitalarosa.wordpress.com/2014/07/28/what-singles-wont-tell-married-people/

FRIENDSHIP

To Tell Singles – Please continue pursuing our friendship, even if we are married and you aren’t. You are not worth any less or of any less importance to us, just because we are in different stages of life.  -Kristin (http://transparentsplashesofcolor.wordpress.com/)

If I, Lesa, genuinely cared about my single friends before I was dating/married/children…I will genuinely care after I am married. I won’t know how to stop! I say this cuz I truly did genuinely care and love my friends before I was dating. Namely, I am thinking of my 4 bridesmaids. I am still crazy close to all 4 of them. It drove me bonkers right after I started dating, they started distancing themselves from me, and quite frankly it really hurt. They assumed I wouldn’t want anything to do with them after I started dating. I tried telling them over nad over again that I wanted them around, I wanted to be with them even when Keith was around…but it was like they didn’t believe me. It drove me crazy. I wanted to get it thru their thick skull that they were the one thing in my life that didn’t change, and I needed them more than ever!!! But, I finallly had to be ok with “time will tell”. After months of dating, and a year of dating they started believing that our friendship wasn’t going to change, and I didn’t want it to. But then I got engaged, and married and I had to prove it to them all over again…and it took many months for them to realize that it isn’t gonna change.

I do know that this isn’t everyones story, but that is my story! And in about 2 months I am going to be a mom. And finally, I feel like I don’t have to prove to my friends anymore that I am not gonna change. They believe me now. They know that I genuinely care about their lives, and their lives aren’t any “less” of a life if they are still single. I want to say a big” I am soooo sorry!!! ” on behalf of the married ladies that have dropped their single friends at a drop of a hat. They are the ones that are missing out. This should never happen, and frankly I don’t understand it!!!! I LOVE spending time with my single friends!!!!  So, what is my advice to the singles: Yes, there are a lot of ladies that do drop their single friends as soon as they start dating, and I am so sorry for that. But we aren’t all that way! So plz believe the good ones when they genuinely want to be with you. We are aren’t doing our good deed by being with you. We want to! We find you soooo refreshing!!! We know that your lives are so wild, free, busy, doing soooo many things, and we love to hear it!  -Lesa Maust

Singles- Being a single doesn’t mean you’re too old to associate with the young teenagers and children, but neither does it mean that you can’t associate with older/married people because you’re not in a relationship.  Stay involved in the lives around you, even if they are not your age or in your same spot in life.  When I was young, I was often inspired by the single women that were around me; and even now as an older married woman, I have wonderful friendships with single women.  You have a great opportunity to reach into others’ lives!  -“A”

Rejoice with your friends that start dating or get married.  I have seen many singles become bitter and jealous and ruin friendships just because they wished they were in their friend’s shoes.  (Side Note- If you do start dating sometime, be considerate of your friends who are still single).  -“A”

ROMANCE

For Single People- I’ve seen a lot of singles sell themselves cheaply to the first person who shows interest in them.  Desperation has led to many unhappy marriages.  Be willing to accept other people’s advice about the company you keep….they can see things you can’t.  -“A”

Be patient with your life.  Don’t take matters into your own hands.  Remember that the right person that was led in God’s timing can make a beautiful marriage, but also keep in mind that the person who was grabbed out of desperation will make a horrible marriage.  You can not fathom how terrible it would be to locked in relationship like that for the rest of your lives.  -“A Man’s Words”

Don’t expect a partner to fulfill the longing within yourself.  Instead, let God fill that empty spot with ways to serve Him and help others.  Marriage won’t be the answer for making everything perfect.  Only loving God whole-heartedly and following His will makes you complete.  -“A”

FREEDOM

To Tell Singles – Enjoy every moment of your singleness. Someday you may be changing diapers and cooking dinner (again), and wish you could jump in the car and go on a carefree roadtrip for the weekend, like you used to. Enjoy the flexibility you have in this stage of life, before the responsibility of a house, husband, and children.  -Kristin

REACH OUT

To Tell Singles – Use this time to invest in other people – a young mom that is overwhelmed, a lonely elderly person, your family, hurting friends. You will never regret pouring time into others.  -Kristin

To Singles….Don’t be self-centered.  Yes, singleness is a great time to make those dreams come true- but the things that will have the most value and will be remembered the longest are the ones that you did for others.  “Another Man’s Viewpoint”

Look for fun, adventurous avenues to serve God during this time that you couldn’t do if you were married like us.  -“A”

JUST SOME EXTRAS

Sometimes we really really really envy you.  You have countless opportunities to do the things we will never be able to do.  Truly treasure this time that God has given you.  -“A”

To the Singles — Dear single person, it’s fine that you want to tell us about your crazy, single life adventures (sometimes bordering on downright sinful) — but know that we are now bold enough and old enough to let you know that these shenanigans are of no benefit…only cause hurt and pain…and just aren’t smart. Very rarely will we sit by and listen and then condone such behavior  -Jennifer Young

Some singles flirt with married people to make themselves feel better or fulfill a desire (or they do it without even thinking about it).  Try to respect the boundaries of marriages.  Encourage us to have strong marriages with our husbands and wives.  -“A”

To Singles:     BE HAPPY!!!  It is incredibly sad to see a grumpy/bitter single.  Happy, vivacious, energetic, caring singles inspire us!!!!  -“A”

 Did you enjoy this interactive blog series?  Well, hopefully there will be more opportunities for you to share your opinions, advice, and viewpoints.  I hope to have an interactive blog series once a month in which everyone can participate!

Next month—- Keep tuned for next month’s subject.

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